Funniest Quotes from Portal 2

Portal 2 has been out for years now and I’ve always wanted to compile a list of my favourite lines. Can’t believe it has taken me so long! This is just my personal opinion. If you’ve got other favourites, please post in the comments!

#10 – Fact Core

“In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.”

#9 – Wheatley

“Whoah! Hello? Can you see the portal gun? Also, are you alive? That’s important; should have asked that first. I’m – do you know what I’m going to do? I’m going to work on the assumption that you’re still alive, and I’m just going to wait for you up ahead. I’ll wait – I’ll wait one hour. Then I’ll come back, and, assuming I can locate your dead body, I’ll bury you. All right? Brilliant! Go, team! See you in an hour! Hopefully! If you’re not – dead.”

#8 – Announcer

“Great work! Because this message is prerecorded, any observations related to your performance are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.”

#7 – Cave Johnson

“You ask: why is so much of our science dangerous? I say: why not marry safe science if you love it so much? In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won’t hit you in the butt on the way out, because you are fired!”

#6 – Glados

“That jumpsuit you’re wearing looks stupid. That’s not me talking, it’s right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks “stupid”. Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably – Oh, wait. It’s a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!”

#5 – Cave Johnson

“This next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don’t make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that’ll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favour and just let that handsome devil go about his business.”

#4 – Glados

“Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.”

#3 – Cave Johnson

“Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Bad news is we’re postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we’ve got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You’ll know when the test starts.”

#2 – Wheatley

“It’s not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage. But don’t be alarmed, all right? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling, because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.”

#1 – Glados

“Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I’m serious, that’s what it says: “A horrible person.” We weren’t even testing for that.”

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